


If there was a way through the hurt (Then I would find it)

by SailorStarDust1



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Character Study, Episode 24', F/M, Gen, Gift Fic, Intentionally ambiguous KawoShin, Missing Scene, Rei and Shinji sibling subtext
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-02 23:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19451563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorStarDust1/pseuds/SailorStarDust1
Summary: Unconfirmed suspicions during Episode 24' Directors Cut.(One shot, super short fic.)





	If there was a way through the hurt (Then I would find it)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Reichu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reichu/gifts), [imprimatur13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imprimatur13/gifts), [progdor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/progdor/gifts), [BobBQ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BobBQ/gifts).



> This one's dedicated to the old Evageeks crew✌🏻
> 
> Eva on Netflix sparked something in me! Since I wrote a Misato and Rei interaction fic sometime back, I thought it’d only be fair to do one with Kaworu and Misato, too. I’ve always been partial to our old Evageeks theory that Dr. Katsuragi was Kaworu’s genetic donor (it's an awfully nice parallel with Yui for Rei). The focus of this one’s mainly on my Eva waifu, Misato. Also, my beloved but damaged AsuShin OTP gets a subtle shoutout, because that's the way I roll.

“...Oh.”

He turned with his hands in his pockets at the too-familiar voice, with a faint smile against his lips—Or was that...a smirk? “Did you require something, Major Katsuragi?”

The Major of Nerv seemingly lost her composure, her stiff expression—shoulders tensed—immediately startling, over Kaworu’s observation of her abrupt mumble.

“Nothing at all. Are you heading home now?” Voice even, her usually warm brown eyes now filled with the faintest hint of suspicion, focusing on his. _They’re the same color as…Rei’s._

Oddly familiar, those eyes were. It was a sickening unease within her belly, a tightness to her chest, that she simply couldn’t place. Despite such anxieties gnawing her from within, Misato simply added, “And, how are you adjusting to headquarters?”

Kaworu shook his head, chuckling. It was a shame that Ayanami Rei simply passed by him afterwards, after his quiet refusal to answer her question. In time...she would come to remember. “Perfectly fine. And yes, I was about to make my way to my assigned housing.”

“I see.” At the tip of her tongue, numerous questions threatened to spill. Yet, none of them were fitting for a stranger, a kid who Misato simply didn’t recall meeting before, back when she was Asuka’s guardian in Germany.

Frantic thoughts would overtake her, consume her mind, if she wasn’t careful. It simply _couldn’t_ be due to the convenient timing of this boy, apparently having arrived directly from Seele. _Kaji, I’m…a little afraid. What should I…_

“15 years is awfully long for Lilin...isn’t it?” He continued smiling. _Now_ , there honestly seemed to be a slight air of smugness about him.

“...?!” Certainly, Misato must’ve misheard his words; a trick had to have been played on her fatigued eyes. Stress and all-nighters, plenty of freshly brewed coffee at her side (she _really_ needed to stock up on more UCC) while steering Nerv to its proper course amidst diving deeper into countless murky secrets...

 _Change the subject, now._ “Have you seen Shinji-kun?” With a smile plastered across her lips so incredibly fake, certainly her face was about to shatter from sheer discomfort. 

“Hm? No.” An honest answer. “I haven’t seen him since the earlier Sync tests.”

“...I see.” Her gaze fell to the tiled beige-colored floor that desperately needed scrubbing, her fingertips absentmindedly playing with the pendant across her neck.

Deep rooted anxiety began overtaking her, after all.

“Making amends is key to fixing any sort of hurt, isn’t it, Major?”

She bitterly chuckled. No need to air dirty laundry in front of a mere child. What a disgusting woman she truly was. “If only life were as simple as you’re describing. I’m sorry, but that’s an incredibly naive way of thinking.”

Almost alien bright red eyes focused on her all-too familiar cross necklace. One symbol out of many, regarding Christianity. That time, it was that man who wore it. Pity that even _they_ , as Adam and one single—seemingly insignificant—Lilin, hadn’t the proper chance to begin a clear understanding of one another. _Truly, a pity._

“Well, then.” Kaworu nodded slightly in farewell, continuing his path to leave home. Misato’s outstretched hand, her mouth agape in silent questioning, hadn’t escaped his keen notice.

* * *

“Hi, were you waiting for me?” 

Shinji-kun. It wasn’t just a matter of the old men’s orders that Tabris peacefully infiltrate Nerv, under the guise as the Fifth Children. Something about his brief, but intriguing, contact with both the First and the Third...He wanted to understand them better. He simply needed to learn _more_ about them, on _their_ terms. Whether such desires were due to millennia old ancient memories of Lilith, or his present-day modern “school boy” existence mattered not. Experiencing all life offered _outside_ of Seele’s sterile, somber, laboratories—when freely allowed artistic pursuits such as embracing music, and practicing the violin—so far proved to be most fascinating.

“No, not really. That’s not what I was...” _Asuka,_ _where_ are _you? The next time I see her,_ _should I ask about Ayanami? If anyone can help me with what I should do…it’s definitely her._

Certainly, his feelings that life at Nerv had been falling apart _must’ve_ been his own skewed perception. Yet having seen neither Ritsuko-san or Asuka during recent training was...puzzling, at best. Recently, when he’d immediately head for the boy’s locker room afterwards. Unable to meet quizzical red eyes that’d lately, bore into his soul. Her face once belonged to someone comfortable. An always smiling, soft-spoken, woman fuzzily recalled from toddlerhood. _He’s been so nice to me, but I can’t…just talk to Kaworu-kun about something like that._

Cheeks flushing, underlying motive now discovered, the young boy blinked before adjusting his resting position. The seating near the exits of Nerv headquarters, always surprisingly comfortable.

While Shinji removed his SDAT earbuds, it seemed that Kaworu’s smile only grew brighter, immediately recognizing the sweet sounds of Beethoven’s 9th. _Perhaps Shinji-kun has grown tired of those 1990’s Japanese Pop songs he’s otherwise fond of?_

**Author's Note:**

> Kaworu is either really bad at hiding his true identity, or simply has no craps left to give. _You decide!_
> 
> Hope this doesn't suck. I literally wrote this as a mental distraction from grieving.
> 
> Side note for the curious: Usually in-series, Shinji's S-DAT tracks are 25 (You are the Only One) and 26 (Aoi (Blue) Legend), sung by none other than Kotono Mitsuishi (Misato, most famously Usagi/Sailormoon) on the _Lilia from Ys_ album. ( **Ys** as in the JRPG Series, since she voiced Lilia in the OVA.)


End file.
